


Before you go

by Lizadrawsss



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Slow Burn, there will be a lot of fluff too dont worry, thomas and virgil are brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22574869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizadrawsss/pseuds/Lizadrawsss
Summary: After the sudden and unexpected suicide of the schools bad boy, Virgil Raine, Roman Sanders comes into school expecting to find everyone still mourning. However, on this cold Monday morning, Roman discovers something that could change his and his fellow classmates lives forever.The date was February 16th 2020, one month before the day Virgil would take his own life.Roman, with the help of some friends, has one month to convince him that life has so much more to offer than death.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	Before you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman doesn't understand what's happening, and is struggling with the loss of a fellow pupil. why is no one else upset?

it felt as though everyone was effected by the loss of Virgil. even if no one felt particularly close to him, everyone seemed to be handling the news badly. Virgil spoke to Dee Cooper sometimes, and he hadn't taken the news well at all. the school bullies had laid off for the day, although the odd comment about Virgil still flew around the school when they were around. most people found themselves noticing his absence, even if it was just a glance at the empty seat in the classroom. no one realized just how much the lack of Virgil would actually effect them and the environment. for someone who barely spoke to people - and when he did, it was snarky - he seemed to make a big impact on his fellow students and most of them regretted not trying harder to befriend him.

one such pupil was Roman Sanders, the nicest of the jocks who also dabbled in theatre. they hardly spoke but when they did, he and Virgil never saw eye to eye and they were constantly rowing with one another. Roman had never appreciated Virgil's attitude and his physical outbursts left much to be desired. but when he got the news the day after Virgil was found, Roman's heart broke. they may have never gotten along, but Roman would never wish him dead. they had spoken enough for Roman to feel devastated at the news, since roman had always silently enjoyed their debates and found that Virgil wasn't as scary as he first seemed. he didn't like Virgil all that much, but their conversations were entertaining to say the least. they hadn't spoken in years, since the age of sixteen. now, at eighteen, Roman wishes he had seen beneath Virgil's snarky attitude and instead seen his apparent crumbling mental health. Roman can remember a few of their conversations, and ranting to his long term friend, Patton, about how he didn't like Virgil and found that he acted a lot like the school bullies. Roman also found that he didn't like Virgil's almost friend, Dee, who acted similar to Virgil with his acts of violence and unwillingness to follow the rules. however, no matter how much Roman didn't like him, Roman couldn't help but sympathize with Dee and feel sorry for him.

Roman imagined that everyone would be as distraught as him. he found himself not eating, not sleeping, wondering if there was anything he could've done if he had known. he felt utterly lost and couldn't imagine what other people around the school who were closer to him would be thinking. this was why, on the Wednesday morning after finding out about the passing of his classmate, Roman couldn't believe how everyone was acting about it. Roman himself had been late that morning. after a restless night with barely any sleep, Roman woke up half an hour later than usual and found himself rushing out the door. his alarm had been set for an hour later than it should have been even though the only days he went in an hour later on were Mondays and Fridays. he quickly grabbed an apple for breakfast and planted a quick kiss on his mothers cheek before taking off towards his car. 

Roman had hoped for a quite day in school that morning. he was concerned that, like yesterday, he would still tear up at every mention of Virgil's name and every sight of an empty chair. he wondered if some kid from the younger years would steal Virgil's spot underneath the big oak tree outside. he tried not to think about it as he pulled up to the school. he had given a brief look around as he had closed the door of his car and he felt as though he had seen someone darkly dressed walking around that reminded him of Virgil. he had to remind himself that it wasn't real before he quickly started heading to the school entrance. the usual group of bullies were all huddled around some kid outside the main entrance. Roman simply shook his head, muttering to himself about the fact that their "no bullying out of respect for a suicide" pact had only lasted a day and that they were already back to their own ways. he wandered past them, trying to keep a low profile to not attract attention.

after getting into the corridor, he sighed a sigh of relief, trying not to get emotional since he has a whole a day ahead of himself. but when he looked around, he almost wanted to scream in confusion. everyone seemed completely normal. they seemed as if nothing was wrong, that someone hadn't died just two days ago and that they didn't all know him. it was a stark contrast between yesterday when everyone had been subdued and crying in the corridors, everyone looking completely lost and horrible. Roman was shocked that they had all moved on so fast. he saw people laughing and smiling against their lockers, gossiping and having a great time without a care in the world. he saw the nerds frantically looking through their math books even though they had just had a test recently, about a month ago. he even saw Dee talking and smiling to Romans younger brother, Remus. he didn't even seem sad, even though yesterday he had gone home early because he had ended up in a fist fight with someone who had said that we were better off now that Virgil was dead. he didn't even have a black eye anymore, and Roman was half tempted to ask him where he had gotten his eye makeup from since it was so good and natural, but thought better of it. maybe he was just trying to hide behind a mask of ease when really he was hurting as well. he'd grill Remus about their conversation later, but first he had to meet up with Patton and Logan.

when walking through he corridor Roman felt extremely out of place. he could feel people looking at him and judging his messy hair and sleep deprived eyes. he was so tired that he starting imagining things, like how earlier, he had thought he had seen someone who looked like Virgil. and just as he had looked down one of the corridors, he saw someone go into the toilets who also looked and dressed like Virgil. of course, Roman was just imagining it, as he had also imagined people saying things. he thought he had heard people talking about how scary Virgil was on the bus this morning, but Virgil wouldn't have been on the bus. he wasn't in school. he wasn't alive. Roman needed more sleep, because if he kept hallucinating about him then this day was going to drag on for a very long time. he still teared up every time he heard the name, never mind saw someone who looked like him.

when he got to the main study hall where Patton and Logan were sat, he felt a similar lack of sadness In the room. he felt like he was the only one who even remembered that someone had died. that someone had committed suicide less than forty eight hours ago. Roman felt like Virgil deserved better. he searched Patton and Logan's faces for some sign that they were still effected by Virgil's death, but he couldn't find any. he sat down opposite them and when they looked up, Logan's face was more confused than understanding. Roman knew he looked a wreck but the concern on Patton's face made it feel like Roman had looked completely out of place and that he didn't have a reason.

"why are you in school so early? you never come this early on a m-" Logan began, settling his book on the desk before he was quickly interrupted by Patton who started flapping like a protective parent.

"never mind that!" he shouted, flapping his arms in front of Logan's face and staring at Roman intently, "why do you look so sad, kiddo?" Patton's head tilted in concern and at the same time Roman's tilted in confusion. they knew. they definitely knew because they had all gotten the news together. Patton had cried a lot, and Logan had been comforting them both. so why did they both look so worried and so... confused?

"what do you mean? why are you guys acting like nothing happened?" Roman was getting frustrated. everyone was acting as though nothing was wrong and Roman could barely hold himself together long enough to say a full sentence. he hated feeling like this and yet he wanted everyone else to feel at least a little bit sad. Virgil deserved that much. he tried to growl out another annoyed comment at the pair, but he caught sight of someone who looked like Virgil again outside, walking past the window. he quickly inhaled, looking down at his hands as he forced himself to stay together. maybe everyone had just given their sadness to Roman because damn, he was not coping well and even Patton looked happy enough.

in fact, Patton didn't look sad at all. just concerned. Roman knew that he had problems with bottling up emotions, but he knew that it was okay to grieve, right? he didn't feel obligated to stay strong just for Romans and Logan's sake, right? and Logan… Roman knew that he didn't like emotions, and especially strong ones like sadness, but he was acting completely oblivious to the situation, as if it didn't happen. as if it didn't effect him at all. as if he really was the robot he claimed to be and could switch off his emotions with the flip of a switch.

"Roman, kiddo, what's wrong?" Patton's soft, paternal voice sounded over the rambling in Roman's head and he made eye contact with his friend, seeing his sadness. for a moment, he thought that Patton had finally shown some sort of sign that he even cared about Virgil, but Roman could see that his sadness was completely fueled by concern. he felt his eyes fill up again and struggled even more to stop tears from rolling down his cheeks. he felt exhausted, he couldn't be bothered to cry. he couldn't be bothered to care about how Patton and Logan were feeling. he needed them to just show him that they at least are going to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

"you're acting like he doesn't even exist. its disrespectful and pissing me off" he said in a hushed growl, making Patton flinch back and Logan furrow his eyebrows. Roman was very rarely angry. passionate, yes, but angry? never. he was a very forgiving person. he held grudges and certainly wasn't a fan of everyone in the world, and he could sometimes be short with people, but he was never angry. and right now, looking at his two best friends, Roman seemed livid. his eyes were tear stained at the edges and red from their intense glare. his eyebrows fell down over his eyelids in an accusatory way, along with his hunched shoulders that were tense and ready to argue and fight.

just as Logan had readied himself to reply and had opened his mouth, a kid - one of the younger ones who was a well known target for bullies and dickheads alike - got tripped up and his lunch, along with his bag contents got thrown onto the floor. Patton flinched, before readying himself to stand and help, and Logan simply watched. Roman, however, found himself entranced. he had been having deja vu all day with little things, like phrases he felt as though he had heard before. he even felt like he had seen certain people wear the exact same clothes as they were today a month or so ago. but this kid, him being tripped up, it was a little bit too familiar. it felt like Roman knew exactly what was about to happen. but that couldn't be right. Roman was tired, it wasn't like he was psychic. the guy who tripped up this kid wasn't about to say,

"watch it, bitch" the voice came, and suddenly Roman was out of his seat. just before the bully could slam his leg into this kids side, Roman had thrown himself in front and taken the blow to his own shin, he shouted in pain - damn, that poor kid on the floor - and hopped away as the bully backed up, confused. Roman vaguely heard Patton and Logan calling him, but he was still staring at the bully in front of him, whose face quickly became a growl.

"what the fuck do you think you're doing?" he said, taking a step towards Roman. this hadn't happened in Roman's memory, so Roman had no way of protecting his shin from the second kick that collided with it. he bit down a curse word as the attacker strutted off in a huff, laughing with his friends. Patton and Logan were by Romans side in an instant, helping him sit back down. the pain went away fairly quickly, but the pair still fretted over their friend. Logan was asking Roman questions about what happened, how he saw it coming, and all the things that Roman was asking himself while Patton helped the boy on the floor pack away all of his belongings.

Romans head swam as his thoughts came rushing into his head at one hundred miles per hour. he had already seen that. he remembered thinking about that poor kid and what he could do to help for a few days after the event. he remembered the boy curling in on himself as the bully continued to kick him. Roman had acted on instinct and hadn't fully thought out his plan, but when he remembered what was supposed to happen next he couldn't help himself. he thought for a moment longer before the thought came to him like a bullet.

a month. 

this event had taken place a month ago. the same kid, wearing the same clothes, at the same time had been tripped up by the same dickhead and had been repeatedly kicked in the side. this was all too much, and Roman could only hear his own thought. why was this happening? what was happening? was he dreaming? was he just a psychic now? he had completely tuned out Logan's panicked questions, and hadn't even noticed that Patton had joined them back at the table until a particular question got his attention. 

"Roman, how in the world did you anticipate that?" Patton's awe shone through in his tone, as if Roman was a hero, and Roman felt pride well up inside his before he could see the familiar look of concern and pity fill Patton's eyes. he remembered how this had all started and an impossible, completely ridiculous idea popped into his head. but it literally couldn't be real. it wouldn't make any sense, it seriously wasn't-

"what's the date?" a soft, innocent version of Roman's voice came from Roman's lips that he almost didn't recognize. he sounded so out of it, so distant even to himself that he wasn't surprised when Patton's concern increased. he grabbed his phone from the desk and quickly checked it, before looking back up at Roman. he hesitated for a moment more before speaking up.

"its the 16th" he almost whispered. Logan saw the confusion, the surprised look in Roman's eyes covered over by disbelief. Roman had always been easy to read, and yet now Logan was struggling to see anything except empty. then Roman subtly shook his head, as if trying to wake up, and asked again.

"what, what month?" and at this Patton looked over to Logan, his eyes locking onto Logan's own and he could see every ounce of confusion and concern in them. Logan felt similarly, and was sure that Patton could read his concern too. Patton had always been good at reading emotions. Patton looked back at Roman, who was looking at his hands, before sighing. Roman lifted his head to meet Patton's eyes.

"February" and Roman's eyes welled up with what could only be called relief. one month. he had one month. he didn't know how, or why, or if it was even real, or if it was all a dream but he had one month. Patton saw his face morph into a smile, and his concern eased slightly, but not completely. he took another breath, before readying himself to ask if Roman was okay, but Roman beat him to it.

"does Virgil still sit by the big oak tree every morning?" he asked, his voice excited and nervous at the same time, as if he expected a negative response. as if he expected them to tell him bad news, when really they were both just worried about why their friend was asking where the "bad boy" sat. especially since the pair had never really gotten along and it was such a fast topic change. nevertheless, the two of them nodded along, and Roman's face lit up. they wouldn't nod if it wasn't true. he was really there. here. it was true. Virgil wasn't dead, not yet. he was alive.

and Roman had one month to make sure he stayed that way.


End file.
